The problem
by IbenholtTheSnowBunny
Summary: The problem-series. One-shots following Kurt and Logan's relationship. Warning: Logurt, slash, yaoi, you know the drill.
1. The problem with height

Logan peeked into Kurt's room and cleared his throat. "Elf?" Kurt Wagner looked up from his book and smiled at his lover. "Yes, Logan?" The older man walked into the room and sat down on Kurt's bed and crawled over to the blue mutant. "Do ya…" He grabbed Kurt's knee carefully and drew himself closer until they were centimetres apart. "Love me?" Blinking surprised, but not unfriendly at him, Kurt sat up. "Of course I do, Schatz." Logan sat up between his legs and looked a little pouty. "I mean, really, really love me. Love me so much that you can't quite understand it?" Kurt let go of his copy of Errol Flynn's biography and faced him. He had no idea why Logan needed to be reminded that he loved him very deeply, but he was happy to oblige. "Yes. You're so precious to me that I am a little worried about how strongly I feel." Logan's face lit up, "Alright. Goodie! Then, would ya mind doin' me a favour?" "And what would that be?" Logan took Kurt's hands in his and shot him a weird smile. "Please stop bein' so tall. Please?"


	2. The problem with power

Logan's berserker rage was, as most mutant powers, both a gift and a curse. He had many a time managed to save both himself and his friends while in it. But the shame he felt when it was over was almost too painful to make up for it. He was scared of what he could do, and had done. He knew that Kurt hated it too, despite all the 'It's a part of you'-bullshit he kept up to keep Logan from acting like the world was ending. Hell, how he loved that man. Especially now that he was slowly approaching him with unsure steps. The orphanage he just had saved from a bunch of skinheads, skinheads that were piled around his feet, had minimal damage. A few bust windows, graffiti stating their hate for the mutant children that lived there, and ruined computers and phones. The children and the people working there had evacuated as soon as he had jumped into action. They would probably need professional help for the kids.

"Mein Freund?" He asked gently. Had probably asked the others to stay away.

"Stay back, 'Crawler." He tried to wave him away. The bloodlust clung to him still, and he didn't want Kurt to be any more involved than he already was.

"Dun' wanna let you see me like this." Logan turned his face away, but gave a tiny 'muff', when Kurt embraced his shoulders from behind, and dug his face into his shoulder. "Then I won't look."


	3. The problem with villains

Long, grey hair? Check. Wrinkled face without a hint of a smile? Check. Suit in a bad color? Check. Eyes that not even a mother could love? Check. Logan was not surprised that some people became villains if they had the charm and personality of this guy.

"Well then, Wolverine, let's see what secrets your skeleton really holds." Logan had not watched himself, let his guard down for one simple second, and he had been caught. He was getting old, but that shouldn't prevent him from having some fun. "You know that my boyfriend's gonna come an' save me, right? An' he'll whoop yer bony, old toosh while doin' so." "Ha! I'd like to see tha…" *Bamf!* ¤Smock!¤ He fell to his knees and groaned. "How!" ¤Kick¤ "Dare!" ¤Smack!¤ "You!" ¤Smick¤ "Kidnap!" ¤Shokk!¤ "My!" ¤Claw!¤ "Logan!" The brimstone cloud calmed itself and grabbed the now dazed man by the collar. "If you as much as look at Logan again, I swear to teleport your body limb from limb, and I plan to make it as painful as possible. Am I making myself clear?" "Crystal." He gasped and fainted.

Kurt let go of him and looked from left to right, wringing his hands in worry. "Up here, Sexy." He heard and looked up. "Wanna hang around with me?" Logan tried to wave with a bound hand. "Oh, Logan, are you alright?" Kurt crawled up the wall stroked the small man's face. "Yea, just get me down." He grimaced when Nightcrawler teleported him out of his chains and helped him stand up. The drugs were losing their effect, but he wasn't steady. "You're naked AGAIN?" Kurt's voice made a tiny echo in the large ware-house. "Ya didn't notice 'til now? I'm hurt." Logan grumbled and struggled to stand on his own feet. "Why are these people always doing that to you? Do I have to write 'property of Kurt Wagner, don't touch' in your forehead'?" Logan toppled over, and his young friend took his arm and supported him again. "Dun think there's room fer all that on my forehead. And since when was I yer property?" Kurt kissed his temple, "You mark me, I mark you." "Fine. Can we get outta here? The breeze is a lil' too much fer me." Kurt took a backpack Logan hadn't noticed off and opened it. "I brought you a spare-uniform. I somehow had a feeling you would be naked." Logan looked down at the yellow fabric and then lifted his eyes to his mate in question. "You had a feelin', or were you hopin'?" Kurt crossed his arms, "You're free too pick, Lieber. Now get dressed. I don't know whether to take advantage of you or feel sorry for you." Logan got into the uniform, and was close to falling on his butt a few times, but planted his feet firmly on the ground. "So where are the others?" "Outside. We called the police before we got here, so…" "They let you go down here alone?" Kurt shook his head, "They thought me best for the job, and the others were busy on a look out, or taking out the security. Logan perched when he heard sirens from afar. "Ah, they're here. Now, the henchmen and boss have been dealt with, the weapons are about to be loaded in, I left the police a nice note and we have you. Mission accomplished." Kurt took his hands and pulled him closer. "Can you manage one more trip?" He nodded slightly and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. "Just get me home, Elf." And so he did.


	4. The problem with Nightmares

*It's completely silent around him. All he wants to do, is end this thug's life. He'll never bother anyone again. He rises his bone claws and prepares to kill him. Sounds opens to him, and he hears footsteps and a voice. It's her. She shouldn't interfere, not now. Then he feels it. A heavy weight, a soft fabric against his hand and burning hot blood running down to his shirt. Red hair flutters in the silent afternoon breeze. No. No, God, please.

Rose…

Her dead eyes stares blindly at him. Smitty shouts to him, tells him what kind of an animal he is. He screams. And he screams again when Rose's peach skin slowly turns furry and blue, and her green eyes becomes golden, and her feminine face adapts the elfin features his friend has as his trademark. Smitty and the judging group of people morphs into the X-Men. And he is not James Howlett or Logan anymore. He is Wolverine, and he has just killed his teammate and lover, Nightcrawler.*

Logan bolted up in the bed, never uttering the scream that lay threatening in his throat. Kurt was immediately up beside him. He took Logan's hand carefully and whispered soothingly in his mother tongue. "You're drenched." He said, feeling his mate's face. It was barely sunrise, and a few rays danced over the dirty windows in their room. The curtains had never helped much. Logan turned to Kurt instantly and threw the blanket off him. He looked all over his body, flipped him over to see if he had hurt him. He could have sensed it easily, but the thought never occurred to him. He stroked his hands over the fur, ignored Kurt's worried questions and the fact that he was not trying to stop him from turning him in every direction.

Was that blood?! No, luckily not. His mind was playing tricks on him. He finally settled down and leaned back with a relieved grunt. "Logan?" Kurt put an arm over his chest and tried to turn his head against him. Reluctantly, Logan looked at his mate. There was never much to be said in these situations. Logan had already told him about his past, at least all he had gathered. And even though the nightmares lessened, they were still there. " 'M fine, Elf." Kurt nodded; he was too tired to argue. Tomorrow, they would talk and sort it out.

But for now, they just curled up together and fell asleep again.


	5. The Problem with Errol Flynn

"Mmmnngh! Errol…"

"Elf. Elf, wake up!"

"Hmm, what?"

"You were moanin' his name again." Kurt frowned and he looked away quite embarrassed.

"Nothing happened."

"Then what the hell was that 'Mnnngh' sound supposed ta mean, then?"

"Nothing! We were on a ship together fighting pirates."

"Really? What was he wearin'?"

"His outfit from Captain Blod."

"Yer favorite."

"Yes, but…"

"…"

"Come on, Logan. You can't be jealous of Errol?"

"Now I know how Emma feels. You love a damn corpse more than me!"

"Liebchen…"

"Lemme alone." Kurt leaned over and kissed his ear, his jaw and his neck. "Don't be jealous, Logan. You're much cuter when you're not."

"I ain't cute."

"Yes, you are. Especially when you smile. Smile for me?"

"No." Kurt continued to kiss Logan and stroked his hair. "I like Errol, but I love you."

"Honest?" Logan said after a break and turned his head just slightly.

"Yes."

"I'd like some proof."

"I'm trying, but you're not very easy to get to." Logan turned over so that he was lying on his back. "There." Kurt proceeded to get on top of him and started kissing him roughly. Errol may have been his first man-crush, but Logan was his first love.


	6. The problem with game night

This was it. He was going to die. He always thought he would be naked, bloody and lying in a heap of snow when that happened. Instead, his hair was combed and his beloved flannel shirt was changed with a hideous sweater vest over an itchy, long sleeved shirt. And his pants were suit pants. And he was wearing slippers. Because heavens forbid that anything from the outdoors should stain the lovely wooden floor of Janet and Hank/Ant Man and Wasp. "We're so glad to have you all over for game night." Janet said with a huge smile. Her perfume stung in his nostrils, but he was quiet. "It was our pleasure, Janey." Said Mary Jane and helped herself with a little cookie. "Careful, MJ! Haven't you got a photo shoot tomorrow?" Susan Storm/Invisible Woman said jokingly. "Oh, don't you worry. My Tiger's going to trim that right off me tonight, aren't you?" She patted Spiderman/Peter's thigh and chuckled. He nodded with a big, dumb grin on his face.

'NO! I do not want this! I don't want ugly-ass clothes and embarrassing intimate details 'bout how they roll in bed!' But the words came out as: "You two haven't seen anything before you've seen Kurt work his magic." Kurt was currently dressed in white pants, a turquoise shirt and a white blazer that he had over his shoulders and tied in a knot over his chest. His curls were gone because of all the hair gel he had in his hair, and he wore customized, brown shoes. Logan could, to his inner horror, see turquoise socks stick out from them. Kurt looked like he had raided the closet of some rich little punk from the snobbiest little corner in Beverly Hills. Full chaos emitted. Everybody was talking at the same time, "Luke and I always keep scented candles in the room. That always spices things up." Janet snorted, "Melted chocolate, Dears. That's the secret of every successful relationship." Logan found himself smiling and chattering along, even pushing his glasses (that had no other function than being fashionable) up on his nose.

They kept comparing their sex lives and romantic articles they kept in their bedrooms. This developed into a long boring talk about children, how many they would have and how they would raise them. Which led them onto the events of the old days. "We were some wild kids back then…And you were the worst." Luke pointed at Logan. He put an arm around Kurt's snobby clothed shoulders. "Yes, but I am settling down now, thanks to my Blueberry Muffin." They laughed and laughed, and wouldn't stop. Logan felt himself get lightheaded and the faces of all the couples blurred. "Yes, we even sold his bike last month." Kurt bragged. "No more wild adventures for me! Except from the adventures of marriage and bills."

"NNOOO!" Logan was sitting up in the bed, his claws exstended and mouth wide open.

"Liebchen!" Kurt cried and took his arm.

"Oh, Elf! It was horrible! Sweater vests, and… and… God… game boards! Hold me!"

"Ssssh… You're shaking. Ssshh. It's ok. I'm here, it's ok."

"Oh, Elf… You know, I…"

"Sssh. Swallow. Breathe. That's right. What did you want to say?"

"We- we're not gunna… get couple friends, are we?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, we ain't gunna be the types who sit around a table with four other couples and drink diet coffee without caffeine while discussing how bland our sex lives have gotten, right?" Kurt shook his head slowly.

"No?"

"An… an'…" Logan choked again.

"We ain't gunna be dressin' up like a pair o' squares, either?"

"No…?"

"An'… An' I ain't gunna have ta clean up my accent and lifestyle?"

"Of course not." Logan breathed out and buried his head in Kurt's neck.

"Thanks, Elf."

"Do you feel any better?"

"Can we get wasted and hang from a church spear completely naked tomorrow morning?"

"…"

"Please? I think our future depends on it!"

"Go to sleep, Liebchen. We'll do something wild and not-thought-through and not-so-naked tomorrow."

"Ok…"

"Good night."

"…"

And after some time, Logan fell asleep, but not without sending a 'no thank you' in reply to Janets invitation for game night at her and Hank's.


End file.
